Free stuff is good

So we have this game at work. It doesn’t have a name but essentially it involves begging for free stuff. You send an email to a carefully selected eatery, food producer or food retailer and ask for something free.

Now this can’t just be any old email. It has to be carefully crafted in order to evoke the intended response. Different people have very different approaches. Some like to go down the angry complaint route. They rant and rave about a particular product in the hope that it will be read by a feeble wimp who will dutifully grant their wish.

You’ll probably be surprised to hear that this is not my chosen approach. I find the ‘kill them with kindness’ method works much better.

You send them an email riddled with praise to lull them into a false sense of security. Then, you introduce a problematic factor as a result of the deliciousness of their product. This adds the element of sympathy on your part. You then add another simple compliment. It’s a compliment sandwich.

And finally ­– and most importantly – you ask for the freebie. I made the error of not asking out rightly a couple of times. I got perfectly polite responses, but no freebie = fail.

Here’s an example of a successful email I sent to Pret.

Hi,

I'm writing to congratulate you on your fantastic duck wraps. They really are delicious. However, their sheer deliciousness is causing me all manner of problems. Primarily financial. You see, your fare is repeatedly draining my bank account. And yet, I am powerless to resist. I've tried to wean myself off them but I am a confirmed addict. Nothing else brings a smile to face on a rainy lunchtime like a Pret a Manger duck wrap.

So please, spare a thought for this struggling addict and send me a free wrap voucher.

It will undoubtedly brighten my autumnal mood.

Kind regards,

Alex

The following week I received a £5 voucher in the post along with a hand written note hoping I enjoy my wrap.

However, I can't stress enough how imperative it is that you do your research beforehand. After successfully receiving my voucher I got cocky. I thought:

“These people are idiots. I’m so good at manipulating people. I’m gonna do more and stick it to our consumerist society.”

The last bit is a lie. But I was careless. I just used the same template and changed the retailer name… not actually checking that they sell the product I was raving about.

As a result, I got a very knowing, sarcastic email response from Starbucks that put me right back in my place.

But why not try it for yourself? It can be immensely satisfying when it works out.

Especially if you’ve never actually bought the product that you’re talking about.