Just in case you didn’t notice, Christmas is coming. And
with it are the usual array of annoyances that insist on being.
First of all, Jamie Oliver. I know he isn’t limited to
Christmas but I feel like I’ve seen far too much of his spluttering gob lately.
His ‘cheeky-chappy’ persona that seems to charm the nation year after year
after year is lost on me. As a 23 year old man, I suppose I’m not exactly the
target audience. He’s no Nigella sucking on a chocolate covered wooden spoon
after all.
Ahhh Nigella. Your Christmas ‘specials’ are so shamelessly
decadent and slutty. I wonder how much cream you’ll dribble on your chin this
year accompanied with a wry smile and a cry of, "Mmmmm, I like it warm and
gooey."
Anyway…
What the hell is the incessantly re-edited Marks &
Spencer’s ad about? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big X-Factor fan. Granted this
year has been particularly weak, but whoever thought that teaming M&S with
X-Factor should be shot – in the face. I see no correlation whatsoever between
the two. And the advert which was spawned from this baffling union is
unsurprisingly dull, cheesy (but not in a good way), unfunny, pretentious (but
equally moronic) and cheap. It reflects on neither party particularly well.
Especially considering every week there seems to be some new sordid revelation
about one of the contestants. Eventually it’ll be edited down to just fat
Craig, sitting on some stairs crying over an M&S turkey wrap under a spotlight. I
imagine.
The John Lewis ad isn’t much better. I hate the anticipation
that surrounds these new mini-movies. I hate that there are now adverts for
adverts! Inevitably, the hype creates an anti-climax, and yet every year it’s
the same. Stuff the ad with as much schmaltz as possible and you’re on to a
winner. Apparently.
Thank God for the Coca Cola lorries.
Never, ever change.
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