First of all, I’ll concede the title for this blog is a
little misleading. Unfortunately there hasn't been a murder. It’s far less
interesting than that. However, it is still very definitely a mystery. But one that I hesitate to investigate.
It all started when I went to an old colleagues birthday
shin-dig at her house on Friday. It was destined to be fairly messy from the
outset. The array of spirits available on the dining table put paid to any
thoughts of this being a sensible evening. We started on the rum and then
moved on to pina coladas and finally, jagerbombs. Classy as ever.
The evening was fun and everyone
seemed to enjoy themselves – myself included. However, I draw a bit of a blank
after about 1am and that is where the real mystery begins…
I awoke on Saturday morning on the
sofa, still at my friend’s house. It had always been my intention to stay over
so there was nothing strange about this. I left with another friend for the
tube station (still a bit drunk) when I began to realise the extent of what had
happened.
As we walked and the fresh air
began to sober my stupor, a bizarre series of injuries became more and more
apparent. Here’s a list:
·
A whopping great bruise was forming nicely just
above my wrist.
·
A small cut just on the inside of my ear had
congealed beautifully.
·
My cheek was showing signs of slight swelling.
·
There was another small cut under my hair near
my ear.
·
And finally I had another bruise on my hip.
Independently, none of these
things were at all major. But in conjunction with each other they did provoke
some intrigue. Upon realising my state, my friend remembered that I had disappeared for an hour or so at one stage. He said that
I insisted on going home, despite the tubes obviously being closed. Standard.
But that I must have realised my error and returned.
What had happened in that hour?
No-one who was there recollects me
falling over in the house or anything like that. So I can only conclude it
happened while I was on my own. I certainly didn’t get beaten up because the
injuries were too minor. And, none of my things were missing. But, despite them being minor for a beating, they seemed
a little too major for just falling over…
My mind then went into overdrive
with possible scenarios to explain the mystery. In all honesty, they did mainly
revolve around me falling over. My imagination clearly isn’t capable of coming
up with anything more exciting.
But, if you have any suggestions for
how you think I may have achieved these injuries then I’d love to hear them.
So far, the favourite is that I
got into a brawl with a small – but deceptively strong – cat.
The plot thickens…
