You’ve got one f*cking job!

Phew.

That’s a relief. Are you relieved?

I bet you are but enough of that.

I’m back! My long, arduous stint in rehab is finally over. Did you miss me? Thanks that’s sweet of you. No, I wasn’t on crack. Or meth. Or smack.

Enough! I’ll keep you guessing.

Anyway, an idea that I’ve been mulling over recently is how annoying it can be when something so basic, so uncomplicated fails to perform the task of it’s purpose. Do you know what I mean? …….Oh yes I forgot.

It’s – silly – when – things – break.

Understand?

The incident that prompted me to consider this was thoroughly unremarkable. I was sat on the tube about a month ago and the zip on my bag just decided to break. I didn’t do anything to it. I wasn’t exerting some sort of unreasonable, over-zealous force on the bag. I was just opening it. Apparently that was too much to ask and my bag decided it was best to just end it all. There and then. Leaving me thoroughly inconvenienced.

Kind of like those people who jump in front of trains and f*ck up the schedule. But that’s for another time.

Now I’m not trying to make out that the bag did this on purpose. Although, if it did then I definitely had the last laugh when I threw it in the bin. HA! F*CK YOU RUBBISH BAG! YOU’RE IN A BIN LIKE A TRAMP! But that’s probably not the case.

I then thought about how this tends to happen fairly regularly with a whole array of temperamental everyday items:

Staplers
Remotes
Pens
Toilet Flushes
Toilet cubicle locks

Along with many more that I’m sure I will remember as soon as I post this blog. If these things can’t perform their one raison d’etre then they are literally pointless. They are void of point. With no reason to exist whatsoever. They are not aesthetically pleasing. They are not warm and cuddly. They are nothing. A stapler that can’t staple isn’t a stapler. Prophetic eh? It’s just a thing that sits on your desk, worthlessly. It warrants no mercy. It has failed.

It’s a tough life but hey, that’s the way it goes. Roll with the punches. Or JUST DO YOUR F*CKING JOB!

Right, vent over.

By the way, did you see that programme where a guy completely slagged off Claudia’s vacant presenting skills? It was really good. I thoroughly agreed. It was on BBC1 which I thought was weird. But I’m not complaining.

After all, a presenter who can’t present isn’t a presenter.

Never Fear Loyal Followers

Have you missed me? Shut up Anna.

It's been a while hasn't it.

I've just been so busy!

I'm afraid this is just a short reminder that I haven't forgotten you. I promise I will devote a full 10 minutes to a proper blog at some point over the weekend. I value you that much!

I'm thinking the theme will probably be 'Why do people do weird things?'

Any suggestions about weird things you've witnessed, keep to yourself.

Byeeeeeee