Oh no! I’ve forgotten your name.

Afternoon all!

Today I’m going to talk to you about one of my greatest fears and biggest failings.

Remembering people’s names.

I tend to have an OK memory. I remember events and other things – like tying my shoes – quite well, which is obviously useful. But names are a whole different ball game.

This disability became blatantly apparent as I got off the train at Putney on Monday morning.

Still in my morning stupor, I heard a cry of ‘Alex!’ as I trundled along the platform.

Panic set in.

Who is it?

What do they want?

Why are they shouting at me so early in the morning?

I turned around hoping to see someone I knew well enough to not be offended if I was rude to them. Unfortunately, I saw a face I recognised but, FUCK! Who is she?!

I let her catch up as I tried to scour my brain searching for her name, or at the least how I knew her.

…It didn’t come. And by now it was too late. We were talking. I was desperately looking for clues as to our acquaintance from what she was saying. But she wasn’t being very helpful.

Then I thought, it’s OK, she’s probably going a different way to you. This will only be a couple of awkward minutes of small talk while we leave the station.

15 minutes later and we’re still walking down Putney High Street. It turns out she works just around the corner from me! Joy!

We talked about work and all the usual crap you talk about to someone who you haven’t seen for a while/don’t know. I think I played it pretty cool initially.

THEN! As if it couldn’t get any worse, I saw someone I did know (and knew the name of) from work.

Don’t turn around. Don’t turn around. I can’t introduce you to this person. I DON’T KNOW WHO THEY ARE!

…They turned around.

At this point I had three choices.

1.    Own up and say: ‘Look, I’m really sorry. I can’t remember your name’.
2.    Be rude and not introduce either of them to each other.
3.    Run away.

I chose number 2. I’m not proud of it but hey, at least I didn’t run away!

Fortunately, it was at this point that we parted ways and I regaled my colleague of my problem. Maybe she was offended by my rudeness. I haven’t seen her since… Maybe I didn’t play it as cool as I’d thought. Maybe I should take photographs of every new person I meet and write their name on the back and keep it with me in a filofax. Do they still exist?

But whatever the case may be, I now get off the train at Putney every morning dreading the sound of my own name (I have no trouble remembering that one).

So if you see me and it’s early and we haven’t seen each other for some time, please introduce yourself. This is an affliction that I cannot control so don’t be offended. It’s taken me nearly a year to remember everyone’s name at work!

‘Alex!’

…Fuck.