Divert

So I was on the bus the other day, staring out of the window. The traffic was crawling and I was doing my best to avoid eye contact with anyone. I was going through Brixton and didn’t want to get shanked after all.

I don’t mean to stereotype but… well you know.

Then, while idly gazing, I spotted someone I knew – someone who I hadn’t seen in a while.

I was bored and had nothing to do so I thought, I know, I’ll ring them and say something like “I can see you…” It’ll be hilarious and not at all creepy.

So I did.

As the number started ringing, I sniggered to myself at the prospect of how funny I was sure this was going to be. ‘He’s going to be so freaked out’, I thought. ‘But it’ll be a great icebreaker considering we haven’t spoken for a few months.’

It rang and rang and I saw him fishing around in his jacket pocket. I smiled moronically as I thought about how clever I was being. And at what his reaction might be and how we’d laugh and then maybe go to the pub and have some pints over a nice chat.

“I’m sorry, the person you have called is not available. Please leave a message after the tone”.

Oh.

He hung up on me. 

I saw him look at his phone and press the red button. 

What the fuck?

Had I done something to piss him off that I couldn't remember? It wasn’t entirely unlikely. But I was sure I hadn’t. I could remember the last time we’d seen each other and it had all been fairly normal. I don’t think I was even drunk, which normally rules out me overly offending someone ­– well certainly not to the point of them diverting my call to voicemail at least.

Then I got angry. I thought, ‘How dare you!’ I haven’t done anything and you’ve had the gall to thoughtlessly rebuff me. I wanted to call again and leave a nasty message. But then he would know that I knew what he’d done. And then it would be awkward if we were to see each other at an organised event in the future. I hate awkwardness.

So I refrained. I’ll think of something. Something mean. He’ll rue the day he rebuffed me!

No one rebuffs Alex Cu... “I’m sorry, the person you have called is not available. Please leave a message after the tone.”