Please don’t make me look like a Polish immigrant

One day I’ll get a haircut I like.

One day I’ll walk out of the barbers and think – yeh I look good. That probably won’t be until they offer face-transplants as well though… * sob *

I just hate the pressure that getting one involves. I know that I’m a guy, so if the worst comes to the worst, I can just shave my head. But I don’t want to look like a Polish immigrant. I’m already lumbered with a Passport photo, until 2015, that makes me look like a member of the BNP and it’s not a look I want to repeat. It seemed like a good idea at the time ­– but it definitely wasn’t.

And now my hair is rapidly approaching the ‘slight mullet’ stage and I can’t wait any longer. It has been a while since I had my last one. Certainly longer than usual. I think I hoped that one day I’d wake up and my hair would miraculously be this perfect length and look awesome and I would go, “Wow, why did I never just leave it before?” Unsurprisingly that hasn’t happened.

I’m also tiring of the, "Have you had your hair highlighted?" comments. NO I FUCKING HAVEN’T! It’s been sunny and I haven’t had it cut in a while so it’s gone blonder. Of course, no one believes me when I protest. I even had a ginger person comment on it the other day. I don’t mean to perpetuate prejudices but criticising other people’s hair is definitely a topic gingers should avoid.

On top of that, the added length is now creating the same problem I have when I wear hats. When my face is encased in something bulky (like hair or a woolly hat) I tend to look like a fat kid stuck in a lift door. My face is already quite round so adding extra width to it almost makes it spherical. It doesn’t look great as you can imagine. And using half a tub of wax in the morning to make it look vaguely presentable is getting boring and expensive.

So I’ve finally bitten the bullet. I’m going to a hairdresser rather than a barber. It will be a bit more expensive but my friend Jamie has assured me that it will be worth every penny. He’s always getting some sort of beauty treatment so I’ll trust his judgement.

However, my concern with going to a hairdresser is that they give me a trendy, edgy haircut that I definitely won’t be able to pull off. Just like skinny jeans – but on my head.

So if you see me on Wednesday (post haircut) and I’m wearing a big woolly hat, don’t laugh at me. It may look stupid but it will very definitely be the better of two evils.