So far, so shit.

I’m really happy to be back at work.

Waking up whenever I wanted and doing whatever I liked was getting a little dull.

Oh no wait.

I could tell as soon as I woke up that it was going to be one of those days. I’d made the error of leaving my window slightly ajar overnight. It’s a skylight that’s directly above my bed and normally I’m safe from the weather, even if it’s open. But unfortunately, it was no match for last night’s ferocious winds. I awoke to discover a lovely pool of liquid at just about crotch level. My first reaction was of course, ‘shit I’ve pissed myself’, but I soon realised what had happened. The steady drip from the window frame was the giveaway. Still, not the best start to the day.

The next ordeal was the weather. Opening an umbrella was utterly pointless. I saw several blow inside out on the short walk to the station and the victims looked like retards. Just give up. You’re going to get wet. Accept it.

I then went to pay for my ticket and remembered the fares had gone up! Awesome. More money for a train that you can pretty much guarantee will be delayed everyday. Stupid bastards.

Then! I got on the train and sat in the usual bit I sit in (1^st class obv) and the guy who was already sat there hadn’t put the armrest down. This is a pet peeve of mine. If you’re sat by the window on a busy commuter train, always put the armrest down. I don’t want to share my seat with you. Why do you want to share your seat with me? All that happens is that I awkwardly have to say;

‘Excuse me, can I put the armrest down’.

Then we look slightly embarrassed at one another and the whole journey is marred with awkwardness.

And then, I foolishly thought I’d give myself some good karma and help a woman with a crutch carry her bag up the stairs at Clapham Junction. I had a good 3 minutes before my train was due, so plenty of time. Or so I thought. As she crawled up the stairs, the piercing shrill of the doors signalled that karma is an arsehole – and that I am a mug.

I finally got to work to discover that I’m actually not booked on anything today! I have literally nothing to do. So far I’ve had 5 coffees and 2 beers, so I’m feeling pretty good. But it’s only a matter of time until the crash hits.

So, I’ve decided my new years resolution is to avoid all verbal interaction with any other human being ever again.

Wish me luck!