Stop laughing!

It’s Monday! Partaaaaay time!

Oh no wait…

Anyway, I went to Live at the Apollo last Thursday. I got a couple of tickets off of one of my mum’s friends who couldn’t go. My first thought was - bargain! But I didn’t realise that they were free to any old pleb. We did have special ‘Priority’ tickets but couldn’t really work out how we were being prioritised. We were just stood in an equally long queue with slightly less chavs in. Maybe that was it.

After spending £24 on 4 drinks we moved into the theatre. I’m no meteorologist but it must have been 1000 degrees in there. No exaggeration.

The first compere to come on was Andy Parsons…

I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of a description (I’m certain he reads this – and if he doesn’t, he should) but suffice to say – he’s not funny.

However, if you were to look at the girl in front of me (with your ears covered mind) you would have been fooled into thinking he was possibly, the funniest man to have ever existed on the planet.

The girl – let’s call her Hysterical Twat – was having the time of her life. I had to check she wasn’t special needs – I didn’t want to be harsh or anything. She categorically wasn’t special needs, so it's ok for me to slag her off. She spent the entire performance sat forward in her chair leaning on the chair in front. If I was sat in front of her or next to her I would have found this extremely annoying. Seats have backs, for your back. But no, she wanted to be that extra 30cm nearer the acts. Maybe she thought that if she sat that little bit nearer, she’d hear the ‘joke’ that little bit earlier and could prepare her aggressive, over-head clap that she seemed so fond of. Her friends around her seemed fairly normal. They weren’t carers or anything. If they were, it all would have made a lot more sense.

Now I know this sounds very cynical (Shock!). I’m all for people having a good time. It was a comedy show so of course people were laughing (although I was a little confused as to why sometimes) but all I ask is that it's in proportion to the ability of the comedian.

If you humour them, how will they learn?!

By laughing at them, it makes them think they’re good and Andy Parsons isn’t good. He’s terrible. Everything about him is terrible.

So please, I beg of you. Be more discerning in your choice of comedian. The only way we can root out the poison that dilutes those who are genuinely funny is by boycotting them. I suggest you stop watching 8 Out of 10 Cats to start with.

Bruce Forsyth on the other hand…